soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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