Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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