Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dear god my vagina.
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