Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i drank out of a bidet.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize