Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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