I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize