i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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