if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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