On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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