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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize