I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
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I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my liver is dry heaving
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