Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
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