Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize