How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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