I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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