i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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