Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize