we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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