nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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