i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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