So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
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well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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