Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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