What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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