Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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