I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize