There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
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I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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