Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
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He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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