new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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