She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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