We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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