i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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