So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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