omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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