You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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