i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize