I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize