Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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