somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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