Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have post one night stand depression
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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