i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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