mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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