wakey wakey hands off snakey
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize