i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize