Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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