But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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