I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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