i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The best revenge is premature balding
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize