I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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