Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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