matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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