i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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